


Immer Sie

by itsjaehan



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: M/M, anyway, kuroyaku - Freeform, major gross sobbing from me, originated from tumblr, this is just the result of putting the right (wrong?) songs together in a playlist
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-04
Updated: 2015-08-04
Packaged: 2018-04-12 22:55:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,214
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4497843
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itsjaehan/pseuds/itsjaehan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In the end, he calls for Yaku after all.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Immer Sie

**Author's Note:**

> The song this is majorly based on is Immer Sie (from DMMD, yes)

_[I do not know you, life, or do I? ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4zwCoJLsEFg)_

_Beep. Beep._

Annoying. That constant beeping. A constant reminder - 

_I do not know…me, alive - is it supposed to…_

Ah.. my eyes are heavy. I’ll just.. maybe close them. For a while..

_ Life - the only thing I craved for more than… nothing.    
_

Tetsurou Kuroo looked out the window of his room. The sun was setting and the sun’s dim rays bathed his room and everything in it a soft golden glow. It would’ve been a comforting scene but- 

_Beep. Beep._

He couldnt bring it to himself to enjoy the scene. He pushed himself off the bed carefully, brought his legs to one side and stood up. For a moment he did not move, as if testing his weight. It felt wrong – everything about him felt _off_. 

_Beep. Beep._

Eyes wandered to the device that sat forgotten on his bedside table. He hasnt touched his phone in a while, and for all he knew, it was probably dead. Sighing, he moved towards it and plugged it in before turning it on. But that was all he did. After turning on his phone, he placed it back down on the table and walked toward the window. He placed his hand against the glass pane. _Cold_. It was cold to the touch – it didnt make sense for it to be cold, not when the sun was still kissing the skyline good night. It shouldve been at least a bit warm to the touch. 

Maybe he was the one who was turning cold?

_Beep. Beep._

He looked out – into the bustling city that was about ready to sleep. Most people were heading home, trying to grab a ride home, some were walking – some were running to catch the train. It was a mixture of students, professionals, families, individuals. 

His eyes spotted a group – possibly students by the looks of it - standing together just outside an establishment and he proceeded to watch them with envy. All of a sudden, his hands felt empty. How long has it been? His hand demanded the sensation of spiking a volley, of blocking a ball, of serving them - 

How long has it been?

_Bzzt. Bzzt. Bzzt. Bzzt. Bzzt—_   


Train of thought broken, Kuroo turned to check the vibrating device that was now being flooded by old messages that were not delivered since his phone died. Sitting himself down on the edge of his bed, he took the phone into his hands and flipped it open to scroll to the messages.

**[ Kuroo, where are you? ]**

**[ You didnt attend school today. ]**

**[ Hey, answer. ]**

**[ Captain! ]**

**[ Kuroo – we heard from the coach. Where are you? ]**

**[ Hey, R U OK?! ]**

**[ Man, what the hell happened? Get in touch as soon as you read this! ]**

**[ This is stupid, at least answer us. ]**

**[ We cant call your number anymore. Did you let your phone die again? ]**

**[ Just give us your room number, PLEASE. ]**

**[ Captain.. please respond. To any of us. ]**

**[ Kuroo, dude! ]**

**[ Kuroo? ]**

**[ We’ll find you. ]**

**[ Kuroo.. ]**

Kuroo snapped his phone shut and closed his eyes. A hand traveled to touch his side – and winced. He could feel tears well up from behind his eyes and it hurt to keep them back. But its fine right? No one was there so see – it’s .. fine.. 

Right? 

He brought his hand up to his face and pressed the balls of his palm against his eyes to no avail. Hot tears streamed  down his face as he looked back on the reason why he was where he was in the first place.

He regretted it. Everything. He shouldnt, but he did.  


_Beep. Beep._

He should’ve just gone straight home that day. He shouldn’t have stopped when he heard someone scream. If he didnt run over to check – if he didnt try to pull the man back, if he didnt try to grab the knife out of his hands. 

He still remembered the pain from when the blade buried itself into his side – the scream that accompanied it when the woman who he saved saw that he had been stabbed. He could still feel the sticky wetness that quickly soaked through his shirt – into his hands – and into the pavement. He could not remember the face that loomed over him. His vision blacked out and the last thing he heard was the woman calling for help.

Yes, he saved someone from being robbed but – he was robbed in return. He was robbed of so much things. 

_Bzzt._

Kuroo looked down on the phone in his hands – a new message flashing on his screen. Yaku.

**[ Please. ]**

He hesitated. He lifted his eyes and watched as the last ray of that day’s sun faded to give way to the incoming night. 

He didnt want to spend the night alone anymore. Not tonight. His fingers moved against his phone.

**[ 317 ]**

Several minutes passed.

**[ I’ll be there. ]**

_Beep. Beep._ **  
**

**_ You do not know me, hope, or do you? _ **

___ You do not know what it means._

Kuroo snapped his phone shut and placed it back on the bedside table before he moved back to his bed. It still hurt to move – but more than that, it was bothersome. He was _leashed_. He didn’t have the freedom to move as much as he wanted to. 

_Beep. Beep._

Carefully, he settled in and curled up on his side, facing the door. So far the only people who went through that door were the doctors, nurses and the occasional visit from his parents – but even that was scarce. He didnt blame them though, he requested as little visit as possible. He didnt want anyone to see him like this. Hell, he didnt want to see him like this. 

His eyes traveled down to his hand where a needle was embedded into his skin. The corners of his lips turned down in a frown. He hated needles. In fact – he hated hospitals. He hated the smell of it, sharp antiseptic that stung at him. He hated the four corners of his room. He hated the sad excuse for food that he was being fed.

_Beep. Beep._

And he _especially_ hated that machine.

The ceaseless beeping haunted him day and night, during his waking hours and even in his dreams. He could never run away from it – and he knew, perhaps he never would. In an attempt to distract himself away from the dangerous path that his thoughts had gone down to, he focused his gaze at the door – waiting.

___ The only thing I need not other than…_

**“Kuroo..”**

Slowly, he opened his eyes. He hadn’t realized that he had fallen asleep while waiting. He didnt move, but his eyes – his eyes followed the voice in the dark and eventually, his eyes adjusted. There he stood – touched by the soft caress of moonlight. He looked like an angel - 

Such a thought made Kuroo smirk – a smirk from his past. 

___ Always, it’s been you._

**“Took your time.”**

**“You’re lucky I even came after you ignored us for weeks.”**

Kuroo made a motion to sit up but was stopped when Yaku pinned him down with a simple stare. Or was that a glare? The captain just chuckled weakly and laid back down as he watched his libero settle down on the chair beside his bed.

**“So, what happened?”**

Of course he would ask that. But first -   


**“How’s the team?”**

Yaku gave a sigh and an eyeful but he relented. He updated Kuroo with everything he missed. Every practice he missed. He told him about how Taketora complained about getting a female manager _everyday._ He told him about the new game Kenma got - and finished within the third day. Apparently, he’s repeating the game in hopes for a different ending. He told him about how Inouka was progressively growing - and how his name was always on his lips. How he always asked if there’s any news about their captain. He told him about how Kai kept the team together. He told him about how Lev was steadily learning to spike into a specific area - but still spiking them out of bounds eight times out of ten.   


Yaku told him everything. And he listened with every fiber of his being.   


He could see it in his mind. Every detail Yaku gave him. He could almost hear the sound their shoes made against the gym’s floor. He could almost hear the sound of the whistle - the sound of the ball whenever it comes in contact with them or the floor. He could see Inouka’s smile, could hear Take’s complaints and laughter, Lev’s declaration of being the ace of the team, Kenma’s quiet comments that somehow always delivered on point.

He missed them.

**“So? Your turn.”**   


Kuroo looked up and smiled with a nod. Yaku was right, it was his turn now. He’d indulge his every question now. Tell him everything there is to tell. He wanted to keep talking. Just keep talking. He watched the expression on Yaku’s face change with every statement he shared – of how it all started, of how he ended up here. 

**“Why didnt you- why would you keep us away?”**

Kuroo stopped for a moment, as if in thought – there was no need for it though. He knew the answer to that. He had to keep reminding himself about it with every day that passed.

**“I didn’t want any of you to see me like this.”**

**“Are you stupid?”**

Kuroo could only laugh.

Yaku, on the other hand, wasn’t laughing – wasn’t even cracking a smile. Oh, he was pissed. Kuroo quieted down with a smile. 

**“Well, you’re here now, arent you?”**

**“What did the doctor say?”**

**“To wait - just to wait. That’s all we can do now.”**

That seemed to satisfy Yaku – for now. Kuroo knew the other male enough to recognize the unspoken words. _We’ll talk when youre ready_ – and he was thankful for it. The black-haired male watched as the other stood from his chair, turn around and - 

He reached out before he could stop himself.

_Beep. Beep._

___ Always, don’t be scared._

**“Where are you going?”**

**“The bathroom?”**

Kuroo shifted uncomfortably in bed before releasing Yaku’s wrist, letting his hand fall back down. The concern on Yaku’s face was something he didnt bother to hide.

**“Is something wrong?”**

He hesitated – no. This was a bad time to hesitate on anything. With a quiet determination in his eyes, Kuroo met Yaku’s and - 

**“Will you stay the night?”**

Yaku was silent for a moment before his face visibly softened, if not even a little bit teasing – for a split moment, the libero was amused.

** “I planned to.” **

The relief and satisfaction that Kuroo felt was indescribable at that moment. He nodded and let the other go – and closed his eyes. He could sleep – he trusted Yaku to return. 

He will.

_Beep. Beep._

___ Always_

The next time Kuroo opened his eyes, he found Yaku seated beside him, arms and head leaning forward to rest on the edge of his bed. In silence, he watched him sleep, mesmerized by the gentle rising and falling of his back with every breath he took. 

Carefully, so as not to wake the libero, Kuroo reached out and brushed his fingers against the tips of his hair. He had always wanted to run his fingers through them and it made him smile to find out that it was just as soft as he imagined it to be. As he moved his hand, a silver glint caught his eye. 

That damned needle. He itched to take it off.

___ (I .. I cannot be fixed)_

_Knife punctured– toxin– in your blood– cant do– too late– try our best– for now– just wait._

_–just wait-_

_-just wa–_

_-wait—waitwaitwaitwaitwait–_

_Beep. Beep._

Tears streamed down his face freely now and he was glad that Yaku was asleep. With trembling fingers, he caressed his cheek slightly – a whisper of a touch, in fear of waking him up. He didnt want Yaku to see him like this. Slowly, carefully, Kuroo shifted and sat up a bit – just enough to lean over, to press his lips against Yaku’s forehead.

For a moment – a heartstopping moment, Yaku shifted in his sleep. Kuroo froze -  waiting, held his breath and prayed for him not to wake. 

He didnt.

___ Always, I’ll hold you._

_Beep. Beep._

Satisfied, Kuroo laid back down on his bed and curled up, all while slipping his hand into Yaku’s. He relished his warmth – and smiled as he felt Yaku’s fingers squeeze his hand in response. Even his sleep, it seemed, Yaku recognized Kuroo’s touch. And at that moment, it was as if his heart wanted to burst.

He was happy. This – this was fine.

___ Always, beside me._

It’s alright now, right? He could sleep – Yaku was beside him. He was anchored to him, hand in his. Tonight, he was not solely anchored on loud, annoying machines. 

Tonight, he was anchored to Morisuke Yaku.   


He was anchored to that warmth in his hand.

He held unto that life.

Held unto – every memory - 

Every game.

Every argument.

Every laughter.

Every—

___ Always, so beautiful. _

He can close his eyes now right?   
  


___ Always, you’ll stay._

___ –forever frozen in my dream._

_  
__ Ah, my wings. _

___ Clipped._

___ I wont.._

_  
__ Always._

_Beep. Be————————————————–_

_____ Always.._

  
  
“ **Kuroo?”**

**“Kuroo–”**

**“Wake up.”**

**“WAKE UP—“**

**“TETSUROU KUROO!”**

**  
  
******[ Thank you. ]

**[ I love you. ]**


End file.
